Journal to Depression

The sun was shining. It was the first day this year I seen temperatures over 50. And can you believe it was 71!

I sat in the house all day by the window, drowning myself in work. With music on, I got knots in my stomach. Worried….

I woke up this morning, after my children got their selves ready and out the door to school. They let me sleep in? Or I didn’t wake up, when they tried to wake me?

I received a text, from my 16 year old daughter, she is a junior in high school. It was a picture, and I wasn’t in the mood to read it, so I didn’t.

I looked up the Numerology for the day, posting in to my Facebook page.

Not even taking the time to pray, like I told my followers to do.

I worked on notes all day. I have assignments due,  but my brain wouldn’t function enough to answer a question.

I made an important call to the college.

I tried to make plans to explore the woods, with my sis. I thought it may be fun to be in middle school again, exploring, and sneaking some liquor, in hopes of not getting grounded. Those plans were a no go.

I had a call, from my best friend and boyfriend. We talked about the future, that I question. Things have evolved for us in a way, I didn’t imagine would be our future. We lost each other in a big way, so I examine… I can’t figure out how to go back to us… We both have changed, gaining a new view towards one another.

My children get home from school.

My daughter asks, “did you receive my text”. I say, no. She lets me know, she was excepted into the honour’s society. I hug her, and tell her, that’s amazing.

I cuddle my 5 year old son. He then, goes to hang out with his 15 year old brother. I hear screaming I see tears from my 5 year old, as my older son yells, “Stop it!”. He doesn’t bother to help my my youngest, instead screams. So I get angry, and yell at my 15 yr old.

I continue to seclude myself, in my bedroom.

I think to myself, here I am! Hanging out in my bedroom, upset. Any parent would take their daughter to celebrate, that’s a huge achievement!

I then think back to my post. I tell my daughter, I will be back, I am headed to pray down by the water. I need something, I told her.

So, here I am at a local lake. I can’t really get very close to the water, but I am close enough. I figured I would write down all my thoughts, release all the negativity from my mind.

And who knows maybe someone will read this journal, and relate.

So, hear I go time to meditate, to our God.

I recall watching a music video earlier and thinking that’s me.

Chris Stapleton’s “Fire Away”

I wanted to be with my mom, in heaven. But, if that was me, then how could I be with her, under such acts.

I wake up from God’s infinite love, and realize, the devil was trying to gain my heart. Why else would I have so many blessings, wanting nothing to do with it.

I highly recommend “Prayer Against Evil Spirits” As it takes me from the physical plane.

I quivered, to the point of convulsing. I was cold! I could feel, it was more than just that.

I gaining a calm. No shivering, my body gained somber.

Thank you God!!! Thank you, for another chance!!! Thank you for all you are!

It’s time to go home to my babies, give them a huge hug, and put my school work to the side, for a bit. Nothing on this earth is more important, than my children.

Peace, love, and strength to all!

(c) Andrea R Rice, All Rights Reserved.


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