Journal to Depression

The sun revealed the blue sky’s today. It was the first day this year, temperatures surpassed 50. Can you believe, it was 71!

I sat in the house all day, by the window, drowning myself with work. With music on, I got knots in my stomach. Worried….

I woke up this morning, after my children got their selves ready and out the door for school. They let me sleep in? Or, I didn’t wake up, when they tried to wake me?

I received a text, from my 16 year old daughter who is a junior in high school. It was a picture, and I wasn’t in the mood to read it, so I didn’t.

I looked up the Numerology for the day posting in to my Facebook page.

Not even taking the time to pray, as I told my followers to do.

All day, I worked on notes. I have assignments due, but my brain wouldn’t allow me to answer a question.

I made an important call to the college.

I tried to make plans; to explore the woods with my sis. I thought it may be fun to be in middle school again, exploring, and sneaking some liquor, in hopes of not getting grounded. Those plans, were a no go.

I received a call, from my best friend, and boyfriend. We talked about the future, that I question. Things have evolved for us, in a way I couldn’t imagine, as our future. We lost each other, in a big way, so I examine. I can’t figure out, how to go back to us. We both have changed, gaining a new view towards one another.

My children get home from school.

My daughter asks, “Did you get my text?” I said, no I didn’t. She lets me know, she was excepted into the honors society. I hug her! Telling her, that’s amazing!

I cuddle, my 5 year old son. He then goes to hang out with his 15 year old brother. I hear screaming, I see tears from my 5 year old, as my older son yells, “Stop it!”. My oldest son, doesn’t bother to help my my youngest, instead screams. So, I get angry and yell at my 15 yr old.

I continue, to seclude myself in my bedroom.

I think to myself, here I am! Hanging out in my bedroom, upset. Any parent, would take their daughter to celebrate, that’s a huge achievement!

I then think back to my post. I tell my daughter, I will be back, I am headed to pray, down by the water. I need something, I told her.

So here I am, at the local lake. I can’t get very close to the water, but I am close enough. I figured, I would write down all my thoughts, release all the negativity from my mind.

Who knows, maybe someone will read this journal and relate.

Time to meditate: to our God.

I recall watching a music video earlier, thinking, that’s me.

Chris Stapleton’s Fire Away”

I wanted to be with my mom, in heaven.

I wake up, from God’s infinite love, and realize, the devil was trying to gain my heart. Why else, would I have so many blessings, wanting nothing to do with it.

I highly recommend

“Prayer Against Evil Spirits”

It takes me, from the physical plane, gaining consciousness, of God.

I quivered, to the point of convulsing, I was cold! I could feel though, it was more, than just that.

I gain a calm. No shivering, my body gained, somber.

Thank you, God!!! Thank you, for another chance!!! Thank you, for all you are!

It’s time to go home! Give my babies, a huge hug, and put my school work to the side, for a bit. Nothing, on this earth, is more important than my children.

UPDATE: The following weekend, I was able to take my daughter to her first theatre show. Well, besides her dedication to the high school plays. She was able to experience a city for the first time, and she was an excellent passenger driver. I can say for certain; it was a day marked forever in my heart!

Peace, love, and strength to all!

(c) 2019, Andrea R Rice, All Rights Reserved.

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