I have been going through an introspective period in my life, trying to gather the answers I have needed for quite some time; Who am I? Who am I without my environments? Who am I without the things that I do and do not do? Who am I?
I have been so very blessed in my life to gather the poor as the Bible explains, those that went through hell in order to learn a philosophical understanding. Those that didn’t just roll over and die, but those that knew that death was simply a state of mind that they had no choice but to escape.
Patiently, I waited for those imperative thoughts that I needed in order to gather the questions and answers that I needed. I found myself extremely exhausted and uncomfortable in my surroundings. I prayed, which seemed to only pull out momentary bliss. There were some things that I needed to learn…
I learned that I was placing way to much emphasis on who I was! Truth is who I am makes no difference, but how God sees me makes all the difference in the world. Apostle Paul asked God three times to remove the thorn in his side, I believe this was who he thought he was. Paul had many regrets in his life, he had the fight between who he was and who God seen in him. He suffered as I, trying to stay true to heaven on earth living in the flesh that pulled him back in time. God told him that he was forgiven and while he may see falls, he was actually being perfected.
Who am I but the difference between Good and Bad? If I am so concentrated on this battle, where am I but standing smack square in the middle of it? This is not relinquishing my control, I am holding on tight to the power of my will!
But what if who I am is not exactly a pinned down version. What if I am but a choice that needs accepted as heaven on earth? I have always placed so much emphasis on what was lacking in me due to my poor man spirit. What was lacking in me due to situations that were out of my control that brought me to my demise. But these were not just simply situations that brought me to my demise, these were challenges overcome to grow me. My regrets were experienced to gain wisdom, and each moment I have the opportunity to be better than I was with the last because I am forgiven.
So, who am I? I am the choice in every moment. I have the choice to find gratefulness in every situation. I have the choice in every moment to embrace happiness. I have the choice in every moment to learn. I have the choice in every moment to be present. I have the choice in every moment to be compassionate with myself. I have the choice in every moment to let go of my imperfection.
Who am I? I am a choice that may not always be heaven on earth. I am forgiven for my shortcomings, and my breath is the opportunity to relinquish my imperfection to do better with the next passing breath. Glory bestowed that tells me the difference between right and wrong. Blessings bestowed that provide me with challenges to grow. Who am I? I am the opportunity to choose.