It seems like the older I get, the shorter the days. I go to work, I come home, I make dinner, and it is time to go to bed. On my days off, I must prioritize between what I want and what is needed. I used to, do, do, do, and I could never get ahead.
I never had a minute to be free from the shackles of life. It was, go, go, go. I gained animosity towards living. What is the point….? What was the point of this life? If I am running on a hamster wheel of necessity and I am only mapping out days where I could enjoy my life, was I really enjoying my life at all? What was the point of setting time and money aside for vacation, when the whole time I am on vacation I am watching the time and dreading the fact that it will soon come to an end! Soon I would end up right back in the ugly cycle of death. And that is what it felt like! I felt like a dead man walking!
I only noticed fall when the leaves had already fallen off the trees. Each year I thought, damn, I missed it again!!! I never took the time to see beauty. And if I did not take the time to notice my environments, do you think that I had time to embrace love? Hell no! Love, it was simply having someone around whether you wanted them there or not. They were just there. Sometimes I appreciated them, other times, I took them for granted.
I took everything for granted. I was focused! I needed to work and sleep. I needed my house cleaned. I needed the kids fed. I needed to be an adult. And if I did not do it now, the whole world would crumble down around me, or everything would just pile up. The destruction of my life caused me depression, or my depression caused the destruction. Regardless, I had to do the best I could, and I did not have the option to roll over and die. Though sometimes it did seem like a much better outcome than living this day over and over again, for the rest of my life.
But then one day and angel disguised as a very unruly man that loved me, he tested all the things I previously understood. I understood that I was stuck in my life. My life was revolved around you either do or you do not, either choice I made was absolutely going to lead me to demise! But on that faithful day, that angel asked me if I could just open my eyes to see my blessings. So simple, right? Such a simple statement that changed the rest of my life.
I realized in that very moment, that it was not my chores list. It was not my work. It was not my kids. It was not that unruly angel. It was not the world. It was not my lack of time. I could go on and on, it was not anything external that was making my life so dark. It was actually the viewer. The perception that laid behind my eyes. It was my view. There are many people in this world that would have loved to be in my situation at that very moment, while I could only see hell, they would have seen heaven. When I realized that my view was hindered, my heart and mind were opened to learning a new view.
Let us skip ahead to how I live my days today! I still have all the same priorities as I did then, the only difference is, now I put myself first. If I am a complete basket case, stressed out, overwhelmed, underappreciated, then what am I providing my kids? But if I am taking the time to love myself more, to give myself recognition, and to destress my life, than I am giving them my absolute best. I am not expecting them to give me appreciation or them to just simply accept my outlandish behaviors. But I am enough for me, and that’s enough to pull me through any obstacle.
The moral of this blog is, nothing in this world is more important than your peace. You cant go wrong with accepting your environment, while highlighting the best parts of yourself. Every moment of everyday is a choice. Choose wisely, we have such little time to make an impact – improving our lives and others.
Memories may only take moments to design but could possibly last generations. You never know! While I jam out to music in this moment, chatting to you in this blog, this moment could end up being recorded in history. Moments of irrelevance could sometimes mean the most! So today if you need time, take it. If you need love, give it. If you want fun, seek it. If you need purpose, do it! I am giving you permission from this moment on to commit to yourself a promise, a promise that it is worth it to love yourself first and everything else will simply fall into place. We cannot change the world, but we can surely change our view of how we see the world. See life, see love, see beauty, and see your world day by day brighten up a little bit more.
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